I have to admit to some major meltdowns these last few days. Its not going back to work per se; I have actually been looking forward to working in this part of my life. Its just that I thought it would be my own work, stuff that I have been plugging away at for years and thinking about non-stop. I am bitterly disappointed in myself for failing to build it into something solid by now. Being forced to confront this has been pretty painful, but the reckoning was inevitable. As long as Mike was working I had the luxury of fuzzy goal-setting and the blithe hope that something would fall into place, but now I can see that I was not clear enough about what I wanted, and not forceful enough about making it happen. I won't quit working on textiles and table settings, but I don't know now what will come of it. I guess I never did.