A new year approaches. Time to clear the trash from the past and reconsider the possibilities for the future. One of my Christmas gifts was a copy of The Kinfolk Table* by Nathan Williams. I was immediately drawn by the subtitle: Recipes for Small Gatherings, because small is where I want to be. Here is what Nathan says in the introduction:
"Since I was in high school, I've noticed a disconnect between both "home cooking" and "entertaining" and the ways my friends get together to share a meal. "Home cooking" sounds serious, even stodgy, and "entertaining" has a formal and frilly ring to it. Neither term describes what, in college, were quiet evenings spent making lasagne with a couple of close friends to jazz playing in the background. We gathered in a small apartment and cooked meals at least every other day, but we weren't pressing table linens, printing name cards, or brushing up on dining etiquette. We often used paper plates and stuck with the same fork for dessert that we used for the main course, buttering baguettes with a paring knife so we would have fewer dishes to wash. Our formula for those evenings was to cook, eat, and talk. Nothing else was necessary."
This touches upon the essence of what dining together means to me. The closeness of people meeting to share a meal and each other's company is the reason and the goal. Nothing is required beyond people and food.......yet if intimacy and shared pleasure are what we are looking for, wouldn't it make sense to encourage those feelings by offering a place where they can flower? It is surely possible to have deep, meaningful conversations and mutual enjoyment of delicious food while standing around the kitchen snorfling from paper plates, but wouldn't the conversation last longer if we were comfortably seated around a table? And wouldn't a pleasant setting do honor to the food so carefully prepared? I notice that the plentiful photos in the book are simple, but beautifully styled, with nary a paper plate in sight, so I don't think Nathan is really arguing that table settings and table manners are unnecessary. I agree completely with what I perceive to be his main point: its the gathering of people that counts the most. True hospitality is about an open heart, and a wish to share and connect with others, not about gourmet food or fancy flatware.
So, if we want to spend intimate time with our friends, and have decided that sitting down together at a table is conducive to an enjoyable meal, what other elements are basic requirements? Cleanliness would be number one for me. The table must be free of anything that isn't needed for the meal, and its surface must be shining clean, or covered with a clean cloth. Stacks of mail and other junk that naturally appear on an open surface have to go. The rest of the room doesn't have to be rigidly spotless, but the table should be as close as possible. Secondly, there should be enough dishware for everyone, with appropriate utensils for what is being served, also sparkling clean. The dishes, glassware and silverware do not have to match at all, just be adequate for use in eating. Everyone needs to have a chair, preferably one that doesn't pinch, splinter or collapse, but the piano bench or stepstool can be pressed into service if needed. I think that's it.... a clear place to sit down, and things to eat with and from. Food and friends will do the rest.
Nathan ends his introduction as follows:
"Entertaining looks different for each of us,but as long as we're cooking and inviting people into our homes with a genuine interest in connecting, conversing, and eating together, then the way we do these things becomes insignificant and ultimately comes naturally. A burned dish or a missing serving piece becomes trivial. The humble soup or homely bread becomes a feast. It all seems quite simple."
*Nathan Williams. The Kinfolk Table: Recipes for Small Gatherings. New York, Artisan, 2013.