My friend Dee has coined a convenient term for the feeling I have noticed in the blogs I follow and in myself lately: blog malaise. It is the slow leak of energy from the community of cloth conjurers (another stolen phrase) who have been such a warm, supportive presence in my life these last years. I feel, and sense among my cyber friends a fizzle of communication. It seems like too much effort to form and express the thoughts about our work and our lives that have carried us forward together in the past. (This in no way is meant as a judgement of any of the people whose blogs I follow. I am so grateful for all they continue to contribute to me.) I speak only for myself when I say that what I am doing feels not interesting enough to warrant the trouble it takes to put it out there....and if it isn't interesting to me, how can I expect anyone else to care? Actually, it isn't that I don't find my own work and life interesting, it is that it is too small and personal in the face of the overwhelming forces I feel gathering in the world at large. I am waiting....for what? Specifically for the election, which seems like the last institutionalized chance to reinforce the rule of law and reinstate the governing norms our society is founded upon. I am waiting for a vaccine which will allow us to resume our social interactions and economic life. I am hoping for an evolution in our ability to transcend our tribal instincts and accept (love?) each other as equals and fellow travelers in this complicated life.
I have no control over the huge problems hovering over us all right now, I can only control myself. That is taking all my energy in the face of the approaching storm. Still, I do recognize the significance of small interactions and little connections so I am going to try to continue to be here as best I can and I appreciate the efforts of others even as I think I understand why it is so hard right now. May our hands remain linked in spirit even as the wave crashes down. I love you.